MIKE COLMAN: England should look in the mirror before whingeing

Are they havin’ a larf? England should look in the mirror before whingeing about the ‘spirit of the game’ – and there’s a reason why Jonny Bairstow remains tight-lipped on the Ashes saga… writes MIKE COLMAN

  • Jonny Bairstow was controversially dismissed on Day 5 of the second Test
  • Aussie players were confronted by MCC members in the Long Room at Lord’s
  • Australia won by 43 runs to take a 2-0 lead in the series  

Is this a gee-up? Or, as our dear friends the Poms would put it, are they havin’ a larf?

The more the English get their knickers in a collective knot over Bairstowgate the more I can’t believe they are serious.

Do they really think that Aussie ‘keeper Alex Carey’s dismissal of his opposite number Jonny Bairstow on the final day of the second Ashes Test at Lord’s was an act of bastardry, or are they simply trying to avert attention away from that appalling display of poor behaviour in the Long Room?

Either way they are as wide of the mark as Steve Harmison was at the Gabba with the first ball of England’s woeful 2006-07 Ashes campaign.

Surely even the most sozzled of the MCC members has crawled out from under their hangover long enough to feel more than a little embarrassed at their disgraceful carry-on at the start of the lunch break. 

Jonny Bairstow (middle) was controversially dismissed in the morning of Day 5 at Lord’s

Alex Carey flicked the ball against the stumps after Bairstow walked down the wicket to talk to Ben Stokes at the end of the over and run the England batsman out

How painful it must be for those involved that the world now knows the only thing differentiating them from the biggest buffoon in the outer is an egg and bacon blazer.

Just as by now they must realise that Carey’s action was completely justified under the laws of the game, as set down by their very own Marylebone Cricket Club.

Not that the laws seem to be getting much of a mention on that side of the globe as the issue is fast being enveloped in a thick London fog of moral indignation.

Everyone from British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak down seems far more intent on invoking the holy ghost of cricket, the ‘spirit of the game’, than staying calm and carrying on.

Are yes, the spirit of the game, that amorphous indefinable concept that English cricketers are quick to refer to when it suits them and even quicker to trample over when a win is at stake.

Current captain Ben Stokes says he wouldn’t want to claim a victory if it required his wicketkeeper to throw down the stumps of a lazy opponent wandering out of his crease like Carey did.

His predecessor Douglas Jardine wasn’t quite as squeamish. He was quite prepared to have his fast bowlers crack a few Australian heads to secure the 1932-33 Ashes.

Come to think of it, I don’t remember Stokes telling his quicks to lay off the chin music when badly injured Aussie spinner Nathan Lyon hobbled to the crease late on day four at Lords.

Australian players were confronted by MCC members as they walked through the Long Room

The MCC has launched an investigation into the incident and  banned three members

Although at least Stokes didn’t back up the views of another former England captain Kevin Pietersen who suggested in commentary that Lyon was really only sent out there in the hope that he would cop one between the eyes and Australia could bring in another spinner under the concussion rule.

Who even thinks of that sort of stuff? More to the point, who says it after the death of Lyon’s friend and team-mate Phillip Hughes in 2016? The type of man who sends opposition players texts criticising his own captain and coach during a Test series, I guess.

Stokes, by the way, is no stranger to controversial dismissals against Australia at Lord’s. He was given out in a one-day international in 2015 when he blatantly deflected a ball headed towards the stumps with his hand while attempting a run.

In the spirit of the game Ben?

And while we’re heading down the hypocrisy route, how about England bowler Stuart Broad and coach Brendon McCullum who, along with messrs Sunak and Stokes have been the most vocal about Australia’s heinous behaviour?

Broad had a crack at Aussie captain Pat Cummins and batsman Usman Khawaja about their perceived lack of sportsmanship on the field and in the Long Room as they waited to return after lunch. 

He also made a point of enquiring of the Australian field in an overtly theatrical manner if it was permissible for him to leave his crease at the end of every over when he was batting.

The home crowd loved it, but I must say watching on TV back in Australia it tended to get a little tiresome. As my dear late mother would have said, ‘Alright Stuart, it was funny once. You’ve made your point.’

England captain Ben Stokes (left) said he wouldn’t want to claim a victory in such controversial circumstances, but his Aussie counterpart Pat Cummins (right) was unrepentant 

UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak claimed Bairstow’s dismissal was not in the spirit of the game

Kevin Pietersen attracted criticism for his comments over Nathan Lyon on Day 4

Lyon bravely came out to bat despite struggling with a torn calf  and lasted 13 balls

This is the same Stuart Broad, it must be pointed out, who admitted to nicking an Ashton Agar delivery but not walking after being given not out during the first Test of the 2013 Ashes at Trent Bridge.

He refused to apologise, saying that lots of other players did the same thing and besides, England needed more runs to win.

You’ve got to love that spirit of the game.

Which brings us to Mr Bazball himself, Brendon McCullum, who says he wouldn’t want to have a beer with the Australians after the horrible way Carey dismissed Bairstow.

Now I know for sure it’s a gee-up. McCullum, during his former life as New Zealand wicketkeeper made an art form of throwing down the stumps of batsmen in the most suspect of circumstances.

Notable was his dismissal of England’s Paul Collingwood during a Champions Trophy match in 2009. It was so similar to the Bairstow incident that Alex Carey could have used it as a blueprint.

On that occasion New Zealand captain Daniel Vettori – now a member of the Australian coaching staff – called Collingwood back, but there was no reprieve for Sri Lanka’s Muttiah Muralitharan during a Test in 2006.

A fired-up Stuart Broad (left) had a heated exchange in the middle with Carey (right)

Broad (right) famously refused to walk after nicking off in the opening  Test of the 2013 Ashes

McCullum threw down Muralitharan’s stumps when he walked up the pitch to congratulate his team-mate Kumar Sangakkara who had just hit a single to bring up his century.

And this is the man who wants to lecture Australians on sportsmanship.

If he wasn’t a Kiwi, he could almost be a Pom. If you want to see a good example of that good old famous English spirit of cricket in action, get a hold of a tape of the ODI against New Zealand at The Oval in 2008.

Chasing 245 the Kiwis were well on target with Grant Elliott batting well. With seven overs left and 30 runs required, Elliott darted for a quick single as England bowler Ryan Sidebottom headed for the ball. 

The two collided and both hit the deck. As Elliott, clearly hurt, climbed to his feet and tried to drag himself to the crease, Kevin Pietersen got the ball and threw down the stumps.

Brendon McCullum said he would not want to have a beer with the Aussies after Lord’a

England captain Paul Collingwood – unlike Pat Cummins – was asked by the umpires if he wanted to withdraw the appeal. No way Jose. The appeal stood and Elliott was given out.

Which brings us back to Bairstow who, not surprisingly, has remained rather tight-lipped about the whole sorry affair at Lord’s.

As well he should. After all, let’s not forget that he was the one who took a shy at the stumps when Marnus Labuschagne wandered out of his crease in Australia’s first innings – and missed.

Which doesn’t make him a more morally-centred wicketkeeper than Carey. Just a less accurate one.

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