Shut up, and let the bookies take your money

We interrupt this column before it starts to bring you a message from our sponsor, youbetcha.com. You know them: they’re your win-win punting pal partner. They win, and they win again.

We interrupt that interruption to bring you a message from another one of our sponsors, too-good-to-be-true.com. Have we got a bet for you! If your team scores at any time, we’ll pay you out. You can’t lose. Terms and conditions apply, see fine print for details.

Term and condition 1: You can lose. In fact, you will.

Almost 80 per cent of Australians say they’re being exposed to betting advertising every week.Credit: iStock

Now, where were we? Oh, that’s right, on a live broadcast … but wait, here’s another bookie, puntonpunts.com. Drop a little of your hard-earned on us and watch it fly off the side of your boot and never be seen again.

That’s a joke, by the way. You can tell because in the vision, your girlfriend is giving you a patronising, but loving look. It’s what women do in ads since objectification became objectively objectionable.

No, our real deal is that we pay you out before you have a bet. Any match, any time, sign on and collect instantly, do not pass go, do collect your $200 bonus. Terms and conditions apply – to you but not to us.

Sports betting is everywhere in Australia.Credit: Shutterstock

First, a disclaimer read far too quickly for anyone to take it in.

Disclaimer: You didn’t really fall for that one, did you?

Gambling ads linked to sport number as many as 950 a day.Credit: Simon Bosch

By the way, your team hasn’t scored yet, because the match hasn’t started, because the ads haven’t stopped. But hang in there, it might start soon. And while you’re waiting, why not have another little wager? How about one of our specially designed kiddie-sized flutters? What harm could that do? If you don’t love it, the kiddies will.

Joe the Cameraman (he’s back): Gotta get ’em young.

We’re nearly back at the game we haven’t been to yet, but first, the latest news, brought to you by the We’re-Such-A-Responsible-Gambling-Association-That-You’d-Never-Guess-We’re-Actually-An-Industry-Lobby-Group.

AFL chief executive Gillon McLachlan and NRL counterpart Andrew Abdo appeared before a parliamentary inquiry into sports/online gambling in Canberra last week. They said that for the government to come down too hard on betting advertising and the tie between big-time sport and bookmakers would:

Terms and conditions apply, so look away now.

Since it’s now half-time in the game that is taking place while we clear our advertising commitments, we’ll take this chance to go to an ad break.

Sportsbroke.com. Terms and conditions apply, but you shouldn’t worry about them. We’ve got lawyers for that.

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan and NRL CEO Andrew Abdo appear before the government’s online gambling inquiry chaired by Labor MP Peta Murphy.Credit: Alex Ellinghausen

Disclaimer: Think what you could be spending your money on. Like another multi.

Oddsandwads.com. Terms and conditions apply, at our discretion.

Disclaimer: You’re sure to lose. But heh, it’s only money.

An update from Canberra. Sportsbet CEO Barni Evans, appearing before the betting inquiry, said his company restricts the activities of punters who win too much if they’re using inside information. They distort the market, he said. Sportsbet don’t limit punters who lose too much.

Fine print: They may restrict the activities of punters who win too much. But not those who lose too much (who of course don’t distort the market, much). Don’t they read the terms and conditions? In print that if it was any finer, it would be called powdered.

More ads. More gimmicks. More celebs getting paid shitloads to make you think you can win shitloads when the whole system is geared to relieve you of shitloads. Terms and … yeah, yeah, what the hell? Is this the game or is this the break in the game? How can you tell?

Further newsflash. McLachlan says he thinks there is too much gambling advertising in AFL footy. “I don’t have a problem that other people do around wagering,” he tells 3AW on March 17, “I just think the volume is too much. It’s in your face.”

Too much gambling advertising in sport? Wherever did he get that impression?

Fine print: When McLachlan says he thinks there is too much gambling advertising, what he means is that there is too much of a certain type of advertising. This he explained to the parliamentary inquiry.

“If you want my specific views, I don’t believe the brand advertising is too much,” he said. “I think the inducements are a problem.”

Thank goodness we read the fine print. Otherwise, we might have come away with the idea that brand advertising is an inducement to spend money with the advertiser.

Terms and conditions need not apply.

Disclaimer: Shut up and take all my money.

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