Australia does England slowly

Adelaide: Australia’s approach to England might have been modelled on then Prime Minister Paul Keating’s when opposition leader John Hewson in 1992 asked why he didn’t call an early election and Keating memorably replied: “The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly.”

As the temperature maxed out at 37 degrees at the Adelaide Oval, and later as thunderous clouds rolled in, it was a day for slow doing. In day-night cricket, a team with its foot on its opponents’ throat can protract the torture not just for the sake of it, but to exploit the devilry of the last hour under lights. It changes the rules of engagement. Time of day becomes a crucial factor, the elements an element.

Lightning at the Adelaide Oval on Friday night.Credit:Fox Cricket

So it transpired. Facing Australia’s 9-473 declared with two days of footslogging in their legs, England’s openers were gone in a blink. Rory Burns fended a Mitch Starc away-cutter to slip before Haseed Hameed clipped Michael Neser’s second ball in Test cricket straight to mid-wicket. In Queensland, they will probably proclaim a holiday to celebrate, such is Neser’s popular favour.

Starc, Neser and Jhye Richardson dared to pitch where England did not, full and at the stumps or in the fourth stump channel. Richardson beat the bat at least four times in his cameo before thunder and lightning put a suitably apocalyptic end to play. Richardson and Neser both batted and bowled as if this match was their last. It might be, for now.

Cricket in this vein has an almost sadistic aspect to it. It’s as inevitable as night following day. The ball swerves, the slips hover, the crowd beys, the siege becomes total. It’s two men versus a country. In any other sphere, it would be an abuse of human rights.

England have only themselves to blame for a conservative strategy in the field on day one that left Australia with plenty of wickets to play with on day two. They had thought to contain in daylight, dwelling on a clatter of wickets in the gloaming. Only six percent of deliveries bowled by their seamers on day one would have hit the stumps.

They ought to know by now that defensive cricket might sometimes be necessary in this country, but does not work as a first resort.

Australia were content to bide their time, knowing it was plentiful, a warm front was coming and England would wilt. It’s happened before. It had made Thursday a kind of all-day staring match.

But it meant that Australia could withstand a slight stumble in the first session on Friday when England changed tack, bowled a fuller length and took three wickets. With more still in the shed, and once the first wave had passed, Australia could and did dictate proceedings.

Steve Smith arrested the mini-slump, made 93 over five-and-a-half hours of precise batsmanship, and the only surprise is that he did not round it up to 100. He usually does when he is captain or playing England.

Steve Smith.Credit:Getty Images

Rookie wicketkeeper Alex Carey abetted Smith with a maiden Test half-century. Carey, new to Test cricket, but familiar because of his white-ball exploits, calmly transferred his skills to the long game. He catches the eye in the way another left-handed Australian wicketkeeper watching paternally from the stands. Adam Gilchrist would have been well-pleased.

Both fell to Jimmy Anderson, an over apart. These were belated and hard-won wickets for England’s emeritus professor of seam bowling. He won’t complain, but he really should not have to do 11-hour grinds in the field at his age.

Travis Head and Cameron Green were lost incidentally, but Australia had established its position, and Starc, Neser and Richardson had a licence to thrill. Between them, they slathered 83 from the last 10 overs of the Australian innings. It was the Big Bashers in league.

Paul Keating.

England fell back, haplessly. At a subliminal level, they must have known this was coming. Much as they might gird their mental loins, the physical toll is unavoidable. They did not fall apart, but they faded. The bowling slowed, the fielding loosened, the early initiative was lost. Four overthrows signalled acquiescence. The fall guy was Burns, whose tour grows ever more wretched.

In 1992, Keating “did” Hewson over six months. For England, it must have felt that way.

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